There’s so much anticipation in many families this time of year that it's normal to have some amount of anxiety as well. You’ve done your school supply shopping, stocked up on new clothes, and fitted your children with shiny new shoes. You’ve searched for exciting new lunch box recipes, met the new teachers, and said good-bye to summer with a final vacation-time play-day. Your sons and daughters are off to school, and when they return home you find yourself dying to hear all the news. How did their day go? Are their besties in the same class? Do they like their teachers? There are have so many questions!
But as parents, you will often find that the conversations your yearning for don’t happen. Instead of in-depth conversations you get single syllable answers to questions. Your children may well want to avoid reviewing their school day altogether and jump right into snack-time and playtime. It can be frustrating! Realize, though, that there are ways for you to direct those conversations so you can share in the school day, get confirmation that you child survived the day well, and even discover some things that may need attention.
First, give your children a breather. Give them the space they need to transition from school to home. Set up a daily routine of putting the backpacks away, grabbing a quick, healthy snack, and talking about anything other than school. Maybe take this time to enjoy a snack with them, reconnect, and tell them what you’ve done with your own day. Down-time is just as important for children as it is for adults.
After this important buffer time has passed, you can begin to talk about the day. To have a true conversation rather than just a question and answer session, you must direct the exchange, and you do that by being conscious of the way you ask your questions. Open-ended questions will nearly always result in an extended chat instead of just yes or no answers. For example, instead of asking “Did you have a good day?” try “Tell me about the best thing that happened in school today!”
Don’t just throw a series of questions at your children either. When you have something specific your want to hear about, ease into it by stating something you know. For example, “I know that today the 4th graders started orchestra. Tell me what that was like!”
Keep the exchange positive! Unless you have outward signals that one of your children is upset, there’s no need to use negative, emotion-packed words. Additionally, by staying up-beat, you’ll likely have a longer conversation. If you do notice that your child is upset, however, help her talk it out, but even then it’s important to focus on open-ended questions so you can really talk in-depth and your child can voice concerns or worries.
Don’t just talk about class subjects and homework. Talk about the fun stuff too! Take time to turn the focus to gym, recess, lunch, etc. Not only are you able to keep an eye out for possible social problems during these situations, but you’ll reinforce for your child that school is not all desk-work, but that there are fun activities during the day too. Help your child see the big picture!
It’s important to stay in touch with your children when it comes to their school experience, and the best way to do that it to direct the conversation by asking open-ended questions, using positive words rather than negative emotion words which will halt your chat, and to talk about all aspects of their day including classmates, lunch-time and their favorite or fun subjects. Really focusing on this will invite free dialogue, allow your child to express any concerns that they may have, and help you to be a part of their day. It’s important that your children know that you have a strong interest in their time away from you and their school experience, so the extra effort you make is well worth it!
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