Building a Strong Parent-Teacher Relationship

Your child’s school sends out multiple calls for volunteers during the year. Do you respond? Are you active in the classroom or in behind-the-scene activities? Studies show that students whose parents are involved in their school and have a good relationship with the teachers, staff, and principal will usually perform better and have a better school experience. So how do you go about building that great one-on-one relationship with your child’s teacher? The clear way to start is by meeting with the teacher to introduce yourself. After the initial face-to-face encounter, find out whether she prefers e-mail contact or phone calls so that you can be respectful of her time. A teacher’s workday does not end when the final bell rings and there are many people needing a moment of her time, so be considerate in that regard.

Say something nice! That seems obvious, but with the amount of effort that the teacher makes to create a relaxing and positive classroom environment, a nice comment or compliment will be much appreciated. If the teacher has gone the extra mile for your child when a little extra help was needed, then most definitely say thank you and maybe even send a card or small gift. Then spread the word to the principal and let him know that you appreciate the teacher’s effort.

And show up whenever possible! Parent/teacher nights, field trips, and other events are important times for parents to show up, help out, and show support for their child’s school and educational experience.

So you’ve set up a meeting with your child’s teacher or you’re going to meet with her about a particular issue. You might be a little nervous, so think ahead about what you’d like to talk about and the information that you’re seeking.

Here are some tips for having a fruitful conversation with your child's teacher:

• USE "I" STATEMENTS INSTEAD OF "YOU" STATEMENTS so you don’t come across as confrontational or blaming. “I’m wondering about…” for example.
• BE CONSTRUCTIVE, EVEN WHEN YOU DISAGREE. Be kind and helpful in your language, be clear in what you want to get across, and above all, listen to what the teacher has to say. “Help me understand…” will go over much more smoothly than “Explain to me why…”

• MAKE SURE YOU ARE WORKING TOWARDS THE SAME END. Clarify with your child's teacher what the goals or final results should look like. It’s important that you’re both on the same page and that you understand what the teacher is looking for. Also make sure that the teacher knows that you’re both on the same team. Teamwork is everything when it comes to your child’s educational experience. “What is the goal…” is a good way to start your question.
• TWO DIFFERING PERSPECTIVES CAN BOTH BE VALID. Teachers and parents obviously see the student from different viewpoints and in different settings. You probably have information that you want to share about strengths, weaknesses, interests, or behaviors that you’ve observed. “I’ve noticed that…” is a great way to kick off that conversation and will allow you to share what you’ve seen while acknowledging your differing perspectives. Following that, “Have you considered…” is a respectful way to insert your thoughts into the conversation without making the teacher feel defensive.
• TRY NOT TO SPEAK IN ABSOLUTES when you’re talking about observations you’ve made or when you’re making interpretations of a situation. “It seems as if…” or “It appears that…” allow for you to state your point of view while leaving the door open for the teacher to share her observations or thoughts as well. Again, listen to what the teacher has to say, because it may clear up some misconceptions, misunderstandings, or even allow the teacher to hear other options or avenues not yet considered without making her feel defensive.

• IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING, ASK, particularly if your child has and Individualized Education Program (IEP). Don’t make assumptions, and remember that you are part of a team that is working to help your child. Understand and be clear about what your child’s IEP provides and ask how it translates in his classroom experience. “How does (this) work in the classroom…” or “How does (this) work into the daily routine?” Be a willing listener.
• INQUIRE "HOW CAN I HELP?" Those words are music to a teacher’s ears. Let the teacher know that you are willing and desire to be a support, to be a part of the team.

A positive, willing, listening, and respectful relationship with your child’s teacher is absolutely key to ensuring that your child has the very best classroom experience. You are your child’s best advocate, and the extra effort that you make will pay dividends and benefit everyone who is a part of your child’s education team.